Wednesday, May 1, 2013 @11:41 PM
7 months and 7 days. It's been quite a journey. I've been brought up and put down so low. Its been a tough journey so far. They weren't joking when they said it's just the beginning. Most things I've been able to handle. But now I again have countless emotions in me. So much on my mind that I need an avenue to channel it all out. So, what's bothering me now. How to be a good housemate and my ultimate weakness of wanting to please everyone are among the top few turmoils in my brain at the moment. So, what characteristics will a good housemate have? Patience, tolerance, consideration, love? Probably. Though I'm learning that there are also other as important traits, such as accountability. I'm trying my best to be a good housemate, but I just get the feeling of not being good enough. I keep on reminding myself to be the better man, to apologize even if I don't feel that I've done wrong, but I still see that anger and sadness. It has come to a point where I'm just so paranoid. I'll feel awkward and out of place. Though I've learnt from experience that this kind of awkwardness does not bode well to the relationship and I've been trying to slash all of it away. But I'm getting tired. I know that God will grow us in the challenges and I thank God that he's always with me. But I'm so tired. So.. so... tired. I know that he's not like that, he's more cheerful and joyful, maybe he's in a rough patch, stress? I don't know. All I know is I've been pressing all his wrong buttons. Sigh.. still grateful to God that he's growing me through the trials He's putting me through, so that as I emerge from the fire, the tears, the sweat, I'll be an even greater person that will bring Him to even greater glories. That's the only solace that I give myself when I'm feeling as such. They say talking and communicating what's bothering you out will help. But, I don't like talking to another person about another person (okay this is confusing, lol.). It's sorta like talking behind their backs. So, what other choice but to keep everything in and trust that God will bring us through it in one piece. That's where faith is for me. The faith in God that he'll bring you through everything and grow you to be even stronger and more mature than before, now THAT is my faith, for now at least. Hehe. Though, bad feelings and ill thoughts will continue to chip my faith, I'll continue to believe in my Lord Jesus Christ and He's amazing grace :)
Oh yeah, I've joined the dance ministry as well as ushering! It's a new chapter ahead! I've also met lots of wonderful new people, that just bring that joy into my life :) HAHA. Someone once said to me, that God has granted her wish of having a bigger brother in me. Though now I feel it's the other way round. God has granted my unconcious wish/prayer to have a younger sibling, and even better a younger sister. I adore her to bits!!! :) Thank you God for putting these lovely people in my life to brighten my days!
Thank you Lord for the present! The gift of today. Though there may be sufferings and pain, joy comes in the morning. Either that, or even more regret, pain and awkwardness. LOL. But that means God has given extra portions and capacity to withstand the pain and grow you like never before.
Teehee,
Daryl
