Tuesday, September 18, 2012 @11:43 PM
Looking through my previous post, I've come to realize that I've somewhat matured. The skepticism towards Christianity has some what disappeared. I believe that this is a huge step for me towards God. I feel that various reasons have contributed to my continual growth in mind and spirit. The ever present support from my friends has undoubtedly been the best factor in my increase in faith. They never seem to get tired of helping and supporting one another, which always makes me really happy inside. Being with such wonderful people has changed something in me. I guess its part and parcel of being a good Christian? They care about one another as though they are family, and in fact they are one body in Christ. All of this is really good and all, but somehow, I still have a bit of doubt in me. Friends, why are they there? Are they there to share your joy and sorrow? Are they there to support you? Or are they there to hurt you? Sometimes, getting close to another person really hurts. Especially if they suddenly act coldly towards you. You'd just wish to be alone and not know anyone, to prevent yourself from getting hurt. Why do people like that exist? Okay, maybe it's my fault for doing something wrong, but isn't forgiving one another what friends are for? I've apologized, and you've accepted, yet why do you treat me so? Sometimes, I just wish, everyone would just take off their masks. Masks upon masks upon masks.. Which mask is our real mask?
Jealousy kills. How i wish i could be free from this torment. Being jealous of even the tiniest things. That's a part of me that I really need to change. Although, I've made some progress in that area, I feel that I need to improve even more to prevent myself from getting unnecessarily hurt. Previously, I used to care if my messages weren't replied. Now I couldn't careless. Is that good or bad? That's weird huh?
That aside, I find death as unacceptable as eating pizza with cutlery. Why do people die? Why am I alive and he dead? Do we live just to die? I say NO. We live to LIVE. While living, we should affect everyone around us. Spreading the good news to everyone is what we are obligated to do. To prevent people from having the same unfortunate fate, we must STRIVE to save as many people as possible.
Many thoughts still whir in my mind. Sometimes I find it hard to sleep, just sometimes, as I'm usually very tired. I doze into slumber halfway through my conversation with God. Which annoys me a bit, as I haven't finished my little chat. I wonder when I'll 'officially' accept Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. I guess I'll have to ask God myself :)
I feel so thankful that so many wonderful people have come into my life. You people know who you are. Thank you for everything. Thank you for your warmness, your patience, your kindness, your understanding, your sharings.. Thank you for you. Thank God for you.
Lord, here I pray, for the joy, happiness and inner peace, throughout hardships, pains and sufferings, for everyone. Amen.
Daryl
